A divorce is an immensely painful moment for everyone involved. The road leading up to the decision to divorce is rough for both partners, and especially for children, if they are present. It’s emotionally painful and incredibly stressful.
Once you are decided about this important step, you should have a detailed plan to go through this difficult moment in your personal life. You should go through this step as smoothly as possible in order to have the best results for both you and your spouse.
Mediation can be the best way to go through a divorce. But how should you prepare for it? Is divorce mediation in Oklahoma City the right step for you? Let’s take a closer look:
Agree to mediate
This is the most important step during the mediation process – you’ll have to agree to the procedure. This is the only way to actually start the entire procedure, so you must make sure you fully agree to its terms. But what does this mean for you? Will you have to be all buddy-buddy with your spouse in order to have a successful mediation? No, but you must be able to have a normal, effective conversation about it.
You’ll need to go over the pros and cons of the mediation procedure, know what it is all about, its procedures and what to expect. You should know its main methods, what will you talk about and how the sessions will take place. After you receive this information, the first thing to do is to agree to participate wholeheartedly. Also, your spouse must fully agree – without this decision, the mediation will either fail or the results will be minimal.
Simply put, both spouses have to want to be there – there’s no other way.
Doing your homework
As soon as you’ve made your decision, it’s time to get to work. You’ll have to start working – you must organize your ideas, know what to talk about and plan your negotiations. Make lists, they will help you a lot during the entire process. Ensure you cover everything and don’t forget any important things. Think about all your assets and discuss how they should be shared. Include all properties, such as real estate, rental homes, rental properties, personal property (like books, collectibles, furniture, artwork or jewelry), vehicles (cars, motorcycles, boats or ATVs), bank accounts (checking, savings and joint accounts), retirement accounts, credit cards, annuities, life insurance policies, and any other financial products. Include everything, no matter how small.
Also, gather information or records about your income, such as pay stubs, profit and loss statements, social security, alimony and child support payments, pensions and other types of income. Similarly, include information about your expenses. Include ongoing liabilities, health insurance costs, food, credit card payments, utilities, rent, and mortgage payments. Some states will require to include a full financial affidavit during the dissolution process. Make sure you talk to the best divorce lawyers for men in Oklahoma City in order to get the best information about this important topic.
By now, you should know what you have and what assets will go through the mediation process. As soon as you have this information, you should determine your goals. In other words, you should know what you want to do with it.
The process of setting goals can be difficult, as most people don’t know what to ask for and what they actually need from a divorce. You should first determine the things that are truly important to you and you cannot live without. Obviously, the best way to determine this is to make lists. Work together with your lawyer specialized in divorce mediation Oklahoma City to draft this list.
Next, you should figure out the range of acceptable terms – the things you can negotiate and the things that cannot be negotiated. Also, determine the extremes – the things you are not willing to let go under any circumstances, and the things that you can let go without any issues. There are many variables that will determine the final list. Decide your goals carefully, together with the best divorce lawyers for men in Oklahoma City.
Your financial goals should be separate from the personal goals (especially those related to your children). This will help you make decisions regarding your children, without being affected by the financial situation. People sometimes choose to exchange custody or visitation rights with financial assets, but this is not in the children’s best interest. This is a disastrous approach when it comes to divorce.
Thinking about children
Children are very affected by divorce. However, you can help children cope with this important life decision. The key is communication – you should talk with your children about the next steps, explain your decision, what this means for them and for you and how the family will change. Talk to the children together, and answer every question patiently. You should be as open as possible to the communication process. Present the information as truthfully as possible, but don’t divulge unnecessary adult information. Don’t explain financial matters, legal matters or complex psychological issues. The most important thing is to let your children know that you love them and you will always be their parents, even after the divorce is completed. Divorce mediation in Oklahoma City is difficult for children, but it can be manageable if the parents are communicative and open towards their children.
Reaching mediators before hiring them
Make sure you contact the best divorce lawyers for men in Oklahoma City before you go ahead with the mediation process. Talk to them and see what the entire process is all about. Also, it will help you understand how mediators work and think. Everyone is able to take your money, hear about intimate details, confessions, but without having mediation training. Many states simply don’t have laws related to divorce mediation, and there are a lot of gray areas.
Mediation has only recently gained legal traction, and the situation can be uncertain. You must contact a licensed mediator before going ahead with the final decision.